Update Rebate

I've been an extremely active blogger recently... in my head.

Time's a-tickin, so I'll have to give the rebated version here.

The UTAR Express, taking you to...?

I don't really know exactly where I'll end up, but I know I'm going somewhere. The wheels are turning, and the scenery around me changes.

Whatever happens from here on, the fact remains that I'll only ever have 24 hours in a day.

I still lack the discipline. And I think I lack the heart, too.

I realize that I don't handle stress very well - and no matter what your abilities are, if you can't handle stress, these abilities are curtailed and your progress hits a glass ceiling.

Recently.... a few times, I've found myself sitting there and staring right at that glass ceiling... wondering what to do.

People see my abilities and ask for my time, and I don't blame them for that. Sometimes I say yes when I shouldn't. Sometimes I say no, and normally it turns out that it was the right choice. But all in all what bugs me is this apparent inability I have to really explain that when I'm at a loose end it doesn't matter how well I can do stuff.

And what bugs me even more is that I just explained it out in under a minute - after finding it so difficult to bring it up in conversation.

Maybe the flow of things just weren't right.

But enough about myself - I find other people more interesting anyway. I can firmly say that really helping people is one of those things that give me clarity. I say clarity, but I suppose you might call it joy. I like it a lot. When you're down, you feel like there's a cloud over your head and you're stuck in the haze. Joy feels like the clouds poof away and you're covered in light. Everything's bright. That's why I say it gives me clarity.

Also, I think I say "clarity" also because my head is working with conundrums most of the time. You know someone spends a lot of time thinking when his face always lights up when he finds a solution. It's like reaching the finish line.

But if you ever see me appearing unhelpful, it's probably because I think my help can be harmful. What I mean is that I spoil people a lot. Really a lot. I think people get used to me doing stuff, and I don't like that. Not only because feeling like you're being taken for granted is something nobody likes, but because I feel like I'm killing my friends if I spoil them. Really.

People wonder why I don't go all out trying to fix everything on my own in assignments anymore, but it's simply because we could all do with our share of learning. I'd like to facilitate that instead, but few people seem as interested in the subject matter as they are in their grades. Maybe if I try too hard to talk about the subject matter, people'll just think I'm trying to show off instead of the fact that I really feel learning is fun.

That is, of course, nothing out of the ordinary.

I think I've a lot of good people in my life :) A lot of interesting people too (not mutually exclusive).

And I think, the following weeks are going to be posing a lot of problems to solve - with maybe some flashes of clarity along the way.

Yay? Sigh?

Prime Time

Transformers 3 is coming out. Optimus Prime is cool.

"Autobots.. check me outzz"

Recently I've been sick of course, but let's not go there again.

The point is, I should be in KL now, going to bed early for my race at 5am. Instead, I'm in Kampar, tinkering with my FYP. Granted, it's more important, but that's not the reason why I'm here now.

In Team Miracle Mile, we use the term "Miracle Mile" a lot. It's our metaphor for goals, or the milestones we have in our pursuit of running. Sometimes the term comes to mind when you try to describe the feeling of making a certain pace or distance on the road.

As I grew in stature as a runner, my Miracle Miles became a whole lot cooler. From "finishing a 10k race without walking", I went to "getting a ranked position in the UTAR Run" and even "1:40 for Half Marathon".

These are all important. In their own contexts, they're equally important goals.

However, the situation I'm in right now means I have only one Miracle Mile immediately in mind:

I just want to get well and strong again.

And I'm not only talking about running. I want to live strong. There's been a malaise that I've been swimming in. I've been stuck in a rut. Hanging at a loose end. I know the feeling - I've been here before, and I think you know it too.

FYP, assignments, projects, cell group, discipleship training, bible study, marathons and relationships - these are all challenges that God has given me to not only accomplish, but excel and enjoy.

It's time to live high, live mighty, live righteously.

Not taking it easy.

Optimus Prime died but was revived by the Cube thingy in the second movie.

Optimus Prime is cool (Y)

Hold Your Breath

It’s been years, but just today, I took out my asthma inhaler and had a puff. The instructions say that after taking the puff, you have to hold your breath, so I held it.

In doing so, I found that I can hold my breath a lot longer now.

I still remember when I first used it: way back in primary school when first diagnosed with asthma and bronchitis. At that time, a paltry 10 seconds was all I could force, and I got worried that the medicine wouldn’t work because I could not follow the instructions to the letter.

Yeah, it was pretty bad in those days.

I’ve always been a rather sickly kid, though coming to Kampar has seen me get a lot better.

However, recently I’ve had a long stretch of niggling illness that just doesn’t seem to go away.

At first, my throat just felt irritated, and so I stayed off cold drinks and fried stuff. Then, I lost my voice.

When I was younger I was the more quiet type, but at the same time, if I did say anything normally it’d be quite stupid. And I’m telling you, that’s not a good combination. Having people react to my words and person has taught me a whole lot of hard, early lessons – so I’m relieved to say that maybe I’ve turned out to generally be the kind of person who says the right stuff at the right time in the right amount.

My own (possibly cynical) evaluation is that I get it right about half the time, and that’s pretty good, though I hope it gets better.

It’s with the mouth that I thank people. Explain things. Ask questions. Encourage. Sing. Let others know that they are liked or loved. Make jokes. Greet. Praise God.

But it’s also with the mouth that I belittle others, tear down confidence, lie and cause hurt. This is not good.

Sore throat has given way to something else though – I’ve been generally fluey and expelling phlegm over the past 2 days – it’s the flue that’s been triggering my asthma, reacting to fur, air-con and dust.

I’ve been praying a lot, and others have been praying too. We’re praying that God will heal us (so many of us are ill these days!) and that He will also increase our faith.

That’s another “illness” I have, a lack of real faith, as opposed to self reliance – one thing that the world taught me that I’ve yet to really unlearn.

I can hold my breath longer now, though.

The "Central" Question.

Last week, Uncle Yam talked about putting Christ at the center of the church, and today Uncle Cheah shared about obedience to God’s calling – doing what God wants you to do, rather than doing “something” for God. I feel very much convicted through God’s Word as expounded by these two brothers.

The words from these two brothers still resonate in my echoic memory. Uncle Yam pointed out that if people come to church and CF consistently yet go away knowing more about you (the leaders) and about how interesting, kind, attractive or whatever that you are, rather than knowing more about Jesus then something must be wrong, and we need to reexamine our focus. Are we really giving glory to God, and pointing people to the only One who can save them: Jesus? In short, are we a Christ-centered ministry?

In practice, do we do as Joseph and Daniel did (Genesis 41, Daniel 2), who when credited with the ability to correctly interpret prophetic dreams, answered that it is the work of God, and not of man?

In the course of our service, we’ll be bound to pull off lots of really cool stuff. We’ll succeed from time to time. That’s for sure. In the rain of applause that always seem to come after every victory (it’s in our culture, it seems), might we, even for a moment, fall into the temptation of indulging in a moment of self pride and accomplishment?

More thought has to be put into how, through every detail in our walk with God, the people we come into contact with (either personally or collectively) can be pointed firmly to our Lord Jesus who saves.

After all, who are we serving? Who?

Selah

Carrie Underwood is really pretty, and she sings some really nice songs. One of her famous singles, "So Small" starts the chorus with the following line:

"Sometimes, that mountain you've been climbing, is just a grain of sand"

The whole song pretty much talks about this - about how the adversity we face is not as big as it may often seem.

I'll assume that Miss Underwood really means it when she sings it, and as she is Christian, it makes me think about the Biblical truth that might be behind it. (Note: She recently belted out her rendition of "How Great Thou Art" - made me shiver)

I think she has a point, you know. Sometimes we perceive our problems as insurmountable, when instead it's our perceptions in themselves that stop us from moving and doing what's needed and important.

If we stopped to actually take stock of everything, and have our "Selah" moments, maybe we'd realize that we can actually do this. Stopping to think and analyze helps us not only realize that our problems are surmountable, but also helps us come up with ways to go about doing it.

Finals start on Friday. So much has happened this semester - now will we end it with a smile together?

UTAR Volunteerism Run

Hmm.. Okay I got quite a lot of things to do, but still, I really want to blog about something.

For the first time ever, we've had a distance race here in Kampar under UTAR. In conjunction with the apparently upcoming 10th anniversary of the university's founding, they've been going all out to do community service. This is a good thing. The run this time was to fund the construction of a mini library in Tronoh Mines, which I tell you is a really ulu place. Hope they find the library helpful.

As it was a 5km race, it went by pretty quick - so much that I can even give a blow by blow account of how it went. Here it is:

Before Flag-off: Finally! The starting time advertised was 7am, yet here we are still waiting at 813am.. warmed up too early and even cooled down with all the waiting we had to do. The emcee quite kesian.. have to repeat everything in 3 languages haha. Team Miracle Mile are all lined up at the front - nice :)

Bang!: Off we go! Wait, why are we running so fast? After 200 metres, I noticed that we're doing a 3min/km pace.. crazy fellas. Shujian and Jensen blasted off like madmen, making up about 15-20 people ahead of me. Kaomeng and I kept at our usual pace (we've trained together quite a number of times).. his presence really is reassuring.

1km mark: Water station! So fast! Just take and pour on my head for a kick :) Over the first km, a few people have fallen out already. Some slowed down their running pace and some even walked. I would say there's a dozen ahead of us now. I'm still with Kaomeng and Jensen is about 20 metres ahead.

2km mark: Now to get those little wristbands from the checkpoint. I peeled away from Kaomeng to grab one from a helper, and didn't see him again until the finish line. I could sense his presence behind me, but who has time to turn, eh? One tall dude with a nice body frame gave up and walked, which both surprised and spurred me on.. passed Jensen also but of course he wouldn't walk.

3km mark: Didn't bother taking the water. Regret it slightly though, I could use another sprinkle on the head... It's getting hot, which wouldn't have been the case if we had started on time. I've lost Kaomeng already, but I can see two red vests in front - clearly Meng Leong and Shujian. A bit surprised that I can still see Meng Leong, and more so that Shujian's ahead of him.

4km mark: I'm. feeling. tired... this was supposed to be a 4km race.. There's this white shirt guy between me and Meng Leong, whom I lost sight of because we're turning corners now. I can still see white shirt dude though, he's just maybe 40 metres ahead of me. I'm not totally sure, but at this point I knew I'd be in the top 10. The corners are agonizing la, I don't know how far I am from the front.

Stopped: I sped up too early thinking that I'm nearly there.. had to stop to choke down the impulse to vomit.. Continued running after a split second, but that's lost momentum I need to make up for. Starting to feel dizzy and I'm breathing crazily like... like... like.. like always I guess.

Finish! (4.87km): Goodbye, white-shirt guy! A turn of pace in what turned out to be the last 200m took me level with him for a while - we shared the sound of mutual haggard breathing for a few seconds before I shot away for the finish line. Dizzy and disoriented, with heart blasting away, I still had the presence of mind to stop my Garmin: 21minutes 55 seconds for a 4.87km route. A decent but unspectacular timing, yet I placed 6th.

What else can I say? It was a good run - would've definitely achieved my initial target of 17:30 for 4km.. In the end I still managed to finish the race with decent pace although I had to run 870 extra metres.

The organization was very poor. I suppose, on one hand, the committee neglected to consult any of the runners in UTAR about the technical side of organising such a race - even I could have troubleshooted loads of the problems that they faced - let alone the many other seasoned runners out there. They did do quite a meticulous and thorough survey after the race though, so I hope that, if they or UTAR is serious about really giving the best to the community - they can improve loads for next time. The running scene in Kampar is something of great potential that they can tap into.

Of course, the great thing about running is that even if the race planning screws up and goes haywire, you still get a real good kick out of it, eh? It was nice running with the Team and meeting new runners too. Next race: Bidor Half Marathon.

Same Same Same But Different

Same religion, same faith, different philosophies..

Can it be?

Maybe we can take the usual diplomatic stand and say "Ah, I think it's just a matter of opinion, both also works but it depends on you personally..."

But the Bible says something different.

Have we really renewed our mind with a Biblical (and hence, Godly) value system? Or are we just filling it with odd, feel-good phrases and fancy sounding jargon?