Partnering Up

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I  always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now.

Apostle Paul, Philippians 1:3-5

I've been thinking about partnership recently. Have you, like me, ever wondered about the relationship between the work of God and the work of a man of God? Is there a line between these two, and is it drawn? Are we, by using our effort and intelligence, trying to do God's work on our own? Perhaps we should just confine ourselves to a room all the time and pray that God will act directly in the world. Wouldn't that be great faith? 

I think the key here is the idea of partnership, where the work of God and the work of Man has a symbiotic and harmonious relationship, under the good graces of God. 

The truth that we are made partners and fellow co-workers (1 Corinthians 3:9) is a staggering one that may be hard to take at first. How can we do the work of God when we are such silly little beings?  The Almighty God, creator of the universe, being in partnership with us?

But when we understand that God is working through us and Christ is living in us, then a lot of things make sense, and the tension disappears. What we thought was a boundary line is in fact overlapping circles, having been reconciled to God through Christ. This partnership paradigm is crucial for a Christian, and it has a great bearing on how we treat things.

We are partners with God in the Gospel. That is amazing, that we have some part in spreading the news about Christ's salvation for all. 

We are partners with God in our friendships, too. As a friend, I must seek to strengthen and build up my friends in a way that is in line with God's will. In other words, great reliance on God and alignment with the teachings of Jesus. God can do this on His own, but He lets us be partners and take part in it too. God is never out of the picture in true friendships- indeed, He is in the very center of it.

We are partners with God in our Relationships (with a capital 'R'), too. With God's express permission, we enter into an exclusive and special relationship with another person, and we take upon ourselves a shared responsibility - over the other person's welfare: emotional, spiritual, physical or otherwise. And the other person does the same for us. Truthfully, these things are God's "territory", but He lets us to take part in it too. It is a great honour and should not be treated lightly. 

God is never out of the picture in a Christian relationship - indeed, He is in the very center of it. As a couple's relationship is strengthened, so is their relationship with Christ, because they know that they are partners with God in this. They understand very well that they do not replace God in their partner's hearts. Even as they look to each other's needs, they recognize that God is the ultimate supplier and enabler of all things. 

Whatever things work out for good will be lifted up in thanks.

I think it's crucial to remember that we partners in God in the things we do and the relationships we have. If we remember this, then we'll save ourselves from making many of the irresponsible and silly things that we do. God is in the business of redeeming and building up His children - as partners with Him, we should not be tearing others down through our actions and words, as many are unwittingly doing. God alone deserves all worship - as partners with Him, we should not be eliciting 'worship' from others (few will admit to this crime).

Repent. 

Just a few of my other partners 

Do you want to partner up with God? Let me know if you do - lots of steps to take first before you can do so.. and my blogposts are too long as it is hehe.

Lean on Me!

Everybody needs to depend on other people. Yes, we do that, even when it’s bad for us. We seem to be hard wired that way.

But the problem is, people are inherently unreliable, right?

Everybody makes mistakes that can hurt the others around us. Sometimes we even do such things intentionally, out of our negative emotions.. Ever got caught up in the spur of the moment?

This is why forgiveness is so crucial. Forgiveness has no value where there is perfection, but in the imperfect reality that we are part of, forgiveness is the one thing that can save.

Jesus demonstrated  this – big time – on the cross, when he let himself be killed for the forgiveness of our sins, which are against God and against each other (which, in a roundabout way, is against God too)

Now He’s alive again, and asks us to live like how He did until the time comes for His return:

Forgive each other!

Do not take revenge for yourself!

Love your enemies!

Can you hear His word?

Ultimately, we still need to rely on people. But if you ever find that people are just too unreliable, you can still trust in Jesus, who is perfect, without blemish (I don’t mean in a L’Oreal kinda way) and is ever present in the lives of those who put their hope in Him.

The peace and security that comes from Jesus will eventually give you the courage you need to trust other people too. You know that even if others let you down, our dependable God will be there to lift us up. David said, “Though my mother and father forsake me the Lord will receive me” (Psalms 27).

Parenthesis: I don’t mean that my parents have been forsaking me (Hi Ma and Pa!), they love me a lot. But in some people’s case, it’s true. The evidence is that apparently David wasn’t treated very well in his family – being the “runt” and all that.

So ah, if you got ears, listen! Rely on God first – you will find in Him a sense of security that will transform your lives. The stronger your relationship with God, the more able you will be to forgive and trust people without fear. Guaranteed. (And by the way, you can't have a father-children relationship with God unless you accept Jesus first, because only Jesus can make us acceptable to God the Father)

Just pray to accept Jesus into your life and let Him take control. His perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18), and sets us on a path of a new life, filled with love, truth and the Spirit. 

Saturday School

Well, one terrible lesson has passed.

I've no idea what I can teach these kids.

No excuses though - I think I was a terrible teacher. I haven't the temperament to handle problem children, and trying to hold a bilingual class as monolingual is just a joke. The lack of confidence I have in Chinese spilled over into my control of the class. The moment they smelled a hint of insecurity... habis.

I'm not going to say that this is not my gifting and just hide behind that, though. Large churches have the luxury of being able to specialize, but being in a small church just means I'll have to do whatever the church feels I have to do. That's the way it is and I accept that.

Next time will be better. Armed with better preparation and experience, and hopefully a helper or two (manpower shortage today), I'll prove that this bad lesson was for the better.

It certainly was an eye opener. I've been able to pretty much do anything I set my mind to for the past three years.

This will be an uphill task indeed. Oh well, Uncle Chan told us that uphills are good training what :P

Someone or Something

Dag Hammarskjold, UN Secretary General (April 1953 - September 1961)

'I don't know who - or what - put the question. I don't know when it was put. I don't even remember answering. but at some moment, I did say Yes to Someone or Something. From that hour I was certain that existence is meaninful and that my life in self-surrender had a goal.'

(Quoted from Crews, 1986)

Great men.

The "Central" Question.

Last week, Uncle Yam talked about putting Christ at the center of the church, and today Uncle Cheah shared about obedience to God’s calling – doing what God wants you to do, rather than doing “something” for God. I feel very much convicted through God’s Word as expounded by these two brothers.

The words from these two brothers still resonate in my echoic memory. Uncle Yam pointed out that if people come to church and CF consistently yet go away knowing more about you (the leaders) and about how interesting, kind, attractive or whatever that you are, rather than knowing more about Jesus then something must be wrong, and we need to reexamine our focus. Are we really giving glory to God, and pointing people to the only One who can save them: Jesus? In short, are we a Christ-centered ministry?

In practice, do we do as Joseph and Daniel did (Genesis 41, Daniel 2), who when credited with the ability to correctly interpret prophetic dreams, answered that it is the work of God, and not of man?

In the course of our service, we’ll be bound to pull off lots of really cool stuff. We’ll succeed from time to time. That’s for sure. In the rain of applause that always seem to come after every victory (it’s in our culture, it seems), might we, even for a moment, fall into the temptation of indulging in a moment of self pride and accomplishment?

More thought has to be put into how, through every detail in our walk with God, the people we come into contact with (either personally or collectively) can be pointed firmly to our Lord Jesus who saves.

After all, who are we serving? Who?

Selah

Carrie Underwood is really pretty, and she sings some really nice songs. One of her famous singles, "So Small" starts the chorus with the following line:

"Sometimes, that mountain you've been climbing, is just a grain of sand"

The whole song pretty much talks about this - about how the adversity we face is not as big as it may often seem.

I'll assume that Miss Underwood really means it when she sings it, and as she is Christian, it makes me think about the Biblical truth that might be behind it. (Note: She recently belted out her rendition of "How Great Thou Art" - made me shiver)

I think she has a point, you know. Sometimes we perceive our problems as insurmountable, when instead it's our perceptions in themselves that stop us from moving and doing what's needed and important.

If we stopped to actually take stock of everything, and have our "Selah" moments, maybe we'd realize that we can actually do this. Stopping to think and analyze helps us not only realize that our problems are surmountable, but also helps us come up with ways to go about doing it.

Finals start on Friday. So much has happened this semester - now will we end it with a smile together?

Same Same Same But Different

Same religion, same faith, different philosophies..

Can it be?

Maybe we can take the usual diplomatic stand and say "Ah, I think it's just a matter of opinion, both also works but it depends on you personally..."

But the Bible says something different.

Have we really renewed our mind with a Biblical (and hence, Godly) value system? Or are we just filling it with odd, feel-good phrases and fancy sounding jargon?

Rapunzel, Rapunzel

I really like this movie, don't you?

Pretty lead, Nice Soundtrack and Silky Hair - what else does one need?

The characters are so funny, and her hair is really nice and cool! There's one scene in particular that I came across in Youtube. It's when Rapunzel and Flynn come into the city. They meet people, see things, enjoy the community and beautiful - absolutely heart warming. Watch it yourself! It's worth it :)

Nice right?

Halfway through the scene, though, I felt a tinge of strong emotion when Rapunzel held up that small purple flag at 1:42. What I felt, I think, was a strong sense of loss and of longing, incongruously mixed up in the midst of merriment and spectacle.

I was thinking about the people of that city, and the Lantern Celebration that they held every year (on that day that Rapunzel arrived). All those elaborate preparations were made specially for it. How do you think the people felt?

If you've watched the movie and followed the story, you'll know that that event was set up because of the lost Princess. It was set up after she was kidnapped, in desperate hope that, one day, when she sees the lanterns light up the sky, she would be drawn to find her way home.

What we observe in the city during the day is great merriment - decorations go up, lanterns are prepared, people dance and sing, flowers are everywhere. It's beautiful, and there's a happy hustle and bustle. The Lantern Festival has become part of their way of life, something for kids and adults alike to look forward to.

Yet in the midst of that, they remember the loss of their princess, who was hope and happiness to the whole city. That's why things turn solemn at night.

This is both beautiful and sad.

I am reminded of the story of Jesus and our walks as Christians.

Jesus' death and suffering is something we see with both immense sorrow and unbridled joy - it is the most extreme paradox that I've ever experienced.

Knowing that His death was for us, and that it was necessary, and experiencing the transformative power that comes from it is the happiest, most mind blowing thing about being a Christian. Through Christ' suffering and death, we grasp the crux of God's love towards us, and that is a joy that no tongue can tell nor scribe can write of.

At the same time, knowing who He is and that He had to go through all that really makes me sad. We understand that it was unavoidable, but can't help feeling that way.

In view of the upcoming UTAR CF's Easter Celebration, I'm led to think about Good Friday, which commemorates Jesus' death on the cross. I think that maybe our celebration on Good Friday is a little bit like the Lantern Festival in Rapunzel/Tangled. Both solemn and joyous, sad and happy.

The people living in that Castle and I share something in common you know, and I'm not just talking about our ambivalent feelings. We share a common lifestyle. They waited 17 years, hoping to see their Princess again, and she came back! How wonderful it was for them when she did.

I, too, am waiting. Waiting for Jesus to come back like He said He will. Whether it will happen in my time, I'm not sure - but in my own way, I want to light my own lantern, to let him know we're waiting and ready here.

Prayer Meeting: Is There a Point?

In life, we ask a lot of questions:

Q:What's this smelly cat doing in my house? :(

In a completely unrelated matter, I've been waking up at 6:15 am on every some Thursday mornings to go for the 7am prayer meeting these past three semesters - always asking the same thing:

Q:"Huh? I'm awake? What for? Want sleep la.., Can I don't go?"

Of course, after the questions come the answers:

"Aiya, whaffor? I got assignments, tests, bla bla, blu blu.. I already go for CF, Sunday service, Bible Study and church punya prayer meeting what"

It can be hard to think when you're zonked out in the mornings when it's still dark, but I think the real question we should ask is:

Q:"God, is there a point?"

I think I've been going simply out of devotion - meaning that I think it pleases God that I set aside this time for Him and so I do it. After all, He instructs us to pray. I think He's happy with that, and by His grace, my reasons don't end there.

As always (at least, within the sphere of my experience) when we devote and commit something that He wants us to do, He gives fresh reasons to pursue these things - reasons that you wouldn't (or at least I didn't) expect.

So let me tell you about myself now: I really look forward to our prayer meets. I can't really condense my whole experience into this post, but I think the (sadly small number of) people who attend the meetings regularly know how I see it.

I feel that it's something really exciting and really fun! I've learnt a lot of things through prayer walk in particular, and I've made very specific and important decisions out of some stuff that happens.

Therefore, the point is, there IS a point in coming together for prayer - but its' details are for God to show.

So I'd really like to ask all of you people out there to come. I think the only really sad part is that there are so few of us there to listen to God together. I think it's a shame because so many of us are missing out! (So, if you have friends who keep bugging you to go for prayer meets, don't get annoyed! They're just trying to share the joy with you :P)

"The devoted are patient and persevering."

• Prayer Meeting

Venue: Westlake Gardens (between Beijing and Lake)

Time: 7am every Thursday.

• Prayer Walk

Venue: Block D/E Cafeteria

Time: 5:30pm-6:30pm every Thursday (until further notice)

Grace

Just like Harry Potter to Dumbledore or Fernando Torres to Kenny Daglish, we all inevitably have people in our lives that we look up to as stable, reliable characters. And we treat these people as examples - but not only to effect a change in our own behaviour, but in themselves they provide us with some kind of psychological anchor. Such people have a calming effect.

And yet, from time to time, we may become disillusioned with some of them. They turn out to be less reliable and more human than our original impressions. This can be quite upsetting. I can foresee, in part, that Torres in particular and Liverpool fans in general are going to be quite disillusioned with Daglish over time.

BUT THEN hor, if we allow ourselves to think carefully, we realize that this is in no part any fault of theirs at all! In fact, it is all simply because we have formed incorrect conclusions about the people in question in the first place. We realize, then, that we're not all that different. They have problems, blind spots and weaknesses, just like ourselves - and once we realize this, we can overlook our crushed impressions and build our relationships on more solid ground. It is only when we know each other's ugly sides and accept them that we can build relationships that truly stand the test of time.

This is why I think sometimes that grace must be in part an exercise in truth. Grace is afforded to accept and love one another in spite of our failings because we are aware of certain important truths: that we are all sinful and fallen beings in our own measure, and that we are all recipients of Grace in the first place. The corollary of such truths would be that we are to live graciously.

So the question for me, of course is whether I've been living that way to its fullest extent. The answer, of course, is no - which is perfectly understandable but also very silly of me.

Soulmate

Am I that different?

I think I'm certainly unique, but at the same I'm not really that one of a kind.

Errr..

Am I contradicting myself?

Oh yes! Paradox. But whatever la. To me, how I see myself isn't that important. It is written, "For where you treasure is, there your heart is also" - meaning that which we seek as the object of our desires will in turn define who we are.

So what do I want most of all?

Sometimes I get really lonely. Not lonesome (which implies being miserable), but lonely. It is normally the result of spending a protracted period of time contemplating scripture. This is no joke. I will get filled with the desire of wanting to pour everything out to someone, but at the same time I feel that guarded feeling of being unable to tell anyone.

What I need/want is a soulmate(s). You know, people that I can tell absolutely everything to, and who would understand more than I can put in words. By the same token, I'd hopefully do the same for him/her.

Of course, the world isn't just divided into a dichotomy of soulmates vs others. After becoming a real Christian I've come to be in fellowship with many brothers and sisters. In Christ we have a very special thing in common which runs so deep - it cannot be compared to stuff like being fans of the same football club or having similar tastes in music.

This is why it perplexes me that not all Christians are instantly my soulmates. I have met Christians that I feel an incredible resonance with. And I've experienced such resonance with lots of authors through their written work too.

Perhaps it is because while our struggles are common, each fight is unique. Our battles against sin are different, because we have different propensities towards different kinds of temptations. Our backgrounds are varied.

And then there's also the fact that the world isn't divided into a dichotomy of Christians and non-Christians either. Rather, there is a spectrum that we all fall in at one point or another. After all, this has to be the case if we are to make sense of the fact that we constantly want to grow to be more like Christ (and therefore more Christian) every day.

I used to have a soulmate. Then circumstances pulled us apart, and our walks are different now.

I think it's okay to want companionship - that is a very primal desire that God puts in us. Of course, as I always say, our desires are Godly if put in line with the Creators' original purpose: to bring us closer to Him.

This is maybe why I think God is putting me through this arid stage of life. I think He wants me to draw closer to Him, and to find my desire for a soulmate fulfilled in Him. He certainly does fit the bill, in ways even greater than I expect.

It's His way of reminding me that His grace is, was, and always will be sufficient for me.

Just Follow Law

“Follow law la... no choice what!”

Some people like to talk like this, and they mean to say that laws are non-optional. You don’t have a choice!

But I don’t think so - laws are always optional, because you can always choose to break it what. However, you can say that laws are non-negotiable. In that it means that when you break a law, there is a logical follow up or consequence.

Now, we Christians have a law – it’s called the law of Christ and it is summed up simply as a “commandment to love others” (Galatians 6:2, c.f. John 13:34). In the same way as with other laws, this is optional but non-negotiable. It’s optional in that you can choose not to care about others, or not to even care about trying to love one another, that is clear.

Yet, how is it non-negotiable? Look at the words “law” and “commandment” – the Bible isn’t joking around. The fact is, if you want to prove that you are His disciples, or in other words, ‘Christians’, then you have to love one another (1 John 2,3). Not negotiable. If you choose to take the option of not actively loving others rather than being obsessed with yourself, then sorry, the consequence is that you forfeit your right to be called a Christian in its fullest sense.

Not because I say so, but because Scripture says so. Look into it and prove me wrong if you think otherwise.

I’m not out to brand some as ‘real’ Christians and some as ‘fake’ – I have no such divisive purposes. All I want you to do is ask yourselves whether you’re living up to God’s name (Christ-ians bear the name of God in their titles) or you’re just pretending.

You figure it out for yourselves, and if you still can’t, ask Him – He sure know one.

The Small Gate and the Narrow Road

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

These days it has really struck me just how small the gate and narrow the road it really is - and it makes me feel very sad indeed, that so many people don't want to find it.

But you know what? In spite of being small and narrow, it is very beautiful, and the place that it leads to is even more beautiful.

Sometimes I don't know why people don't walk this way, and I don't know why people can't even take their eyes off that big path that leads to destruction. It makes me think of the winding, mazy path that leads to that beautiful sanctuary of Rivendell, in contrast with the colossal black gate that leads to the black lands of Mordor.

But I guess that's where we come in. I'm not exactly the best guide, but I do know the way to the narrow path, because the greatest Guide of all has brought me there. Through I know how to get there, it might be quite hard for me to lead others, but then maybe in the midst of trying, the original Guide will appear and take over - He knows I'm not that good on my own.

Thank God for God

Strictly speaking, there is a distinction between help that comes from God and help that comes from the people around you. However, we can't ever limit His flexibility, and I dare say I thank God for being who He is, and bringing the right people at the right time to come and say the right words and do the right things, totally without realising it.

Thank you God for being God, and when the chips are down my short-sightedness gets a little better and I can see You for who You are.

Who will He send me next, a Timothy to nurture, or a Paul to rebuke? Maybe Priscilla and Aquila to show care, or an Epaphras to be a fellow-prisoner. Perhaps even a nameless good Samaritan.

Never limit God, my friends, and never limit how He uses the people in your midst.

How do you measure a heart?l

How do you measure a heart, and what is its’ worth?

Occasionally we hear it said that we are to seek God with all our heart, and that it is our hearts that God desires.

But somehow, I catch myself wondering whether my heart is of any worth at all to begin with.

I tell you the truth, because the truth is at least something of real value that I know I can give.. and the truth is I don’t really understand what is in a heart to begin with.

”The heart is deceitful above all things, and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

Jeremiah 17:9

Are we measured by the intensity of our feelings? Or defined by the things that we long for? What?

In spite of the fact that I have no understanding, my heart is dear to me and I feel it… and somehow I also feel that this alone isn’t enough. I really do.

And this is an idea that I’ve been struggling and praying about for some time, so that now something has occurred to me, and it is this:

I think that we are somehow wired to think that being alone is insufficient. There is no such thing as absolute independence. The fact that my heart is dear to me alone is not enough to live with and I think that this is the same for you too, dear reader. What we crucially need lies beyond this, and is to know that our hearts are dear to others.

This is why people without love or people who do not realize that they are loved, live in such a broken manner. This is why people with a loving family are more likely to stand tall in times of trial. This is also why people of the world pursue romantic love as the highest ideal and as the pinnacle of what it means to be human.

We Christians, we’re different, though. It is our commission to love one another, but we believe that this desire for Another and for our hearts to be recognized and cherished by that Other, isn’t put into us simply for us to find its fulfillment through worldly or humanly means that do not last.

This thirst for love is to direct us to our Lord, who himself said:

“Everyone who drinks shall be thirsty again, but whomsoever shall drink the water I give unto him shall never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

John 4:14

If you’re reading this and you also have that thirst for love, then you needn’t thirst any longer. There is a God of Love with enough for all of us. If He carried me, I know that He will carry you too. All you need to do is ask Him. This is also the Truth.

For myself, this Truth makes me realize that yes, my heart is of great value! Simply because the Lord asks for it first above all the others things that are in my possession.

And this also is the Truth.

How I fell in love

Some people describe life as a journey.

In many ways they are right, but I do think that at some points the analogy breaks down. For one thing, it is certainly not exactly a continuous journey like in the picture above.

For some reason we can backtrack some parts we've walked earlier, and for some reason, we HAVE to! Here is where the paradox lies, that sometimes in backtracking a little, we progress further in the journey of life.

In my life, there are some parts I know I should never go back to. Those rocky parts of the road where I was childish, selfish, stupid, arrogant, a liar... you name it. The memory endures, of course, and by doing so always makes me aware of the grace that God has granted me - that He would choose someone who had walked such paths. I would be lying unless I said that those traces of those elements in themselves also endure, though I'd like to think that every day I've been casting them away as I empty myself of myself and try to fill it with Christ.

But the particular stretch of road that I need to find again is simply this: How I fell in love with Him in the first place. It is that crucial intersection that has originally brought me to the path I'm currently walking. Being a person constantly doing things, I need to remember why I'm doing these things in the first place.

Today I went to Sunday school to help out. It's been 2-3 months since I've officially "retired" as a Sunday school helper/teacher at Kampar Gospel Hall. I retired after trying to serve for more than a year and yet feeling unsuited for the ministry, due to my limited linguistic capabilities. That was also the time when I was giving my all for the Christian Fellowship.

I think my decision still stands: God has given me sturdy convictions about the Christian Fellowship and without any shame I say that the passion I have shown to this date speaks for itself. At the same time, my Cantonese or Mandarin still hasn't been getting to the level required of a Sunday school teacher here in Kampar.

But something remarkable happened today in Sunday School.

It was nice talking to all the kids again, and talking to the parents. Even Sau Yee, the girl who calls me "Zirafah" seems to have grown taller. Being exceptionally tall for a standard 2 girl, I wonder if she herself will be a giraffe one day.

I didn't do anything important. Uncle Samson played the guitar. I basically did sai kang: move stuff, clean stuff, help one kid remove his sticky lollipop wrapper.. and of course simply be their friend. Since I haven't been to Sunday School in a while, some of them missed me.

And yeah, I missed them too.

Oh, I said something remarkable happened right? Ok la maybe it's not that remarkable, but in a weird way, it is to me.

Sunday School was how I began "serving God" here in Kampar. It was different for me because I've been awkward everywhere I've been up till the point when I arrived here, but here it was like starting afresh, and I started by working with the children. Until I came to Kampar, I was far from an exemplary Christian, and had no real concept of serving God in my life.

Yet here I am, with a heart to serve. Not that I am worthy, or not that I deserve anything, but simply because I have been chosen.

And it all started there, with those little kids up on the cemented upper floor of the church building. I tell you ah, I really love them so much.

And in remembering that again, somehow I've moved another step ahead.

Home, with a difference.

Here I am, home in Melaka.

It's always a little unreal to be back. I always get this feeling like I haven't been back in a long time. It's an awkward confluence of both the familiar and the alien - I somehow feel that I am a stranger, but a stranger in a place that is steeped with memories and connections. And after a short while of floating in a distance, I settle back into those familiar memories and connections - and I'm home again.

The truth is that I've been here a mere 3 weeks ago during study break, but as I always say, our experience of time is not simply a matter of the passing of seasons or of hours or of days - it is also a matter of what happens within that physical span of time.

A significant three weeks? Why, certainly. I grappled with exams and tried (and to a large extent failed) to focus with the kind of concentration that I aspire to. I presented all my worries, anxieties, cares and supplications to Him. I grew much closer in my walk with many of the brethren here. I grew to rely on Him all the more, and He chose to reveal to me more about the kind of man He wants me to be - not simply a collection of abstract principles but a concrete manifestation of these ideals.

There was the committee retreat, where I decided to never again back down from confronting our problems. I will pray, think, talk, discuss and ACT upon them. We cannot let this slide. When you see the smoke, do not say that there is no fire - look for it and put it out, because the fire burns the tree which is the family of God, and that is far too precious to me and to us and most of all, to Him.

So yes, in a few hours, I will settle down again into the familiarity of Home, but this time, it is Home with a difference, that I am here to make myself different for Him. Can I walk closer with Him in the next 11 days, and in doing so be genuinely nearer to being a true man of God?

I commit myself to persevering in His word, and in doing so, may I bear fruit that is pleasing in His eyes. Please pray for me.

"Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."

And there it is, I see it and understand.

Buy the Truth and do not sell it

I can understand why people say "Ignorance is bliss", but this is more the lament of a broken-hearted person rather than a life principle that we can live by.

Does the truth cause heartache? It certainly does, in some situations. But I do know also that people's hurts are very often exacerbated by the fact that they've been living in the lie longer. If I were to draw another graph, the longer you've been in the lie, the more hurtful it'll be when you realize the truth.

The truth can hurt, but I would say that ignorance hurts more.

Truth(s), be they absolutes or relatives (and let's not get into an epistemological spat here) are things that exist externally from ourselves. It's there, whether we like it or not, and I think when we love the truth, accept it and live by it, then our lives become more real (or should I say, become more true).

"I am the way, the truth and the life," He says, and so we see here how being the way and the truth and the life are not concepts that exist independently but are intrinsically related. Follow the way which is (and because it is) the truth that brings life.

Am I just talking about some abstract Christian principle here? Well in a way I obviously am, but don't buy into the misconception that not everything about Christianity has to do with all our lives (and by all our lives I mean ALL). My conviction is that everything in the Bible is very personal and relevant to all of us, it is just a matter of how we understand it.'

Let's have a "real life" example, just to illustrate my point. For one thing, I was ignorant about just how hard the Research Methodology final paper is, until Renjie instigated me to go check out the past year papers. It was pretty shocking and I am sure with the level of understanding I had yesterday I would've screwed it up pretty badly.

Knowing the truth of the matter helped unsettle me and galvanize me to study harder: which is what I've been doing and which is what I'm gonna do for the rest of today. I do wish I knew a little earlier but hey, no point thinking about that, I'm just gonna make the best out of the hours I got left. If it's going to be a battle, I'd like to at least know I'm in it for one.

In conclusion, we must not only accept but actively seek the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may make us.

"Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline and understanding."

King Solomon, Proverbs 23:23

Declaration of Dependence.

It is the 27^th of August, 2010. Although Malaysia’s national day is in 4 days time, yesterday was the special occasion that I declared my own, personal “Independence Day”.

This is because I finally submitted my PTPTN documents and finished my last piece of coursework (a presentation). “Independence” might be too strong a word to use in this case – the saga is from over. My complexified PTPTN application process (irregular qualifications) is still subject to some board meeting that will finally decide on whether its valid or not (oh, wishy washy administration! D: ) and finals begin in just over 2 weeks!

Still, it felt incredible to finally get this all over with – I’m going to take a break this weekend to catch up on my sleep, prepare for next week’s CF and oh yeah, I’m teaching in KGH’s Youth Fellowship this weekend. Just a rest-up before plunging myself into exam season.

But I guess I really want to make this post because of a few things that I’m pretty grateful for, and a few things that I’ve become aware of.

Lots of things happened when I was applying for the loan. First of all, the loan is important to me but straight up I admit I got could be less negligent about things – such as how I didn’t print the explanatory notes for ‘O’ and ‘A’ level results (which was required because its not a Malaysian qualification) and how I didn’t know I had to strike out this or that. And my signing & agreement session was the last day (set aside for the FAS) and I went pretty late (had a presentation before).

In the end, they had to take so long to process my unusual application that I just sorta made it in time before they closed. In that case I’m grateful that somehow, when I was lining up, the line suddenly moved super fast so that I could reach the officer in time to find out that I needed the exp notes and so had the time to go back, fetch, copy and certify them. And I mean like, the 3 rows moved in 10 minutes, as opposed to in the morning when it reportedly took an hour to move 3 rows of applicants!

As I began walking back to Westlake in my full formal attire (black) and under the scorching sun, the only thought going through my mind that I was immensely thankful to God that I had like 1.5 hours to come back with the documents – it would only take me about 45 minutes if I walked quickly and then cycled from home. Hot? Nevermind loh, its like that one mah.

It’s at that moment when I heard a “Beep!” sound coming from behind – it was Mr Renu’s car horn.

“Ngee Derk! What’re you doing walking? Come in la!”

MANNN I was really really happy at that moment and in the end, I managed to submit all my documents without a hitch and talk with the PTPTN officers, who were really nice and helpful people.

So what’s the point of this rather long story? That night, Eric, Renjie, Edmund and I met up for worship practice and Eric chose to begin by asking us about where we stand in our walk with God. His point was that if we’re going to lead with worship we need to examine our relationship and set ourselves right before Him (among many other points). I felt it was good of him to think this way – I wonder how many people are conscious of the gravity of what worship means before they “go about” it – and having a sound relationship with Him gives you that consciousness, I think.

“For obedience is better than sacrifice”

Furthermore, to conduct a worship “session” in a manner pleasing to God we would have to be very much worshipping in the fullest sense of the word – which is a matter of how we choose to think, act, speak and live in respect to Him.

So I thought about what had happened earlier that afternoon. God really surprises a lot you know, and sometimes you don’t pray for certain needs (because you either don’t expect them or rather, as in my case, I think sometimes I’m too silly to realise I need some things) but God knows them perfectly and does as He sees fit.

Conversely, sometimes we pray for things that we don’t need or that might even be bad for us. Sometimes we know it’s bad for us but we still pray for it. Stupid, right? But that’s what we are from time to time. In my case, God has made sure I didn’t get them, and much later gave me the realization that such requests are not good for me anyway.

Of course, I always insert the clause “Let Your will be done” and “Do as You see fit” in my prayers, because I understand that God’s ways are far above that of Men. So maybe I’m not TOO stupid. Ok ok *pats myself on the back*

Praying is not simply a matter of gratifying or satisfying wants, as some people might sometimes put it. I think, prayer teaches us a lot about God and how He wants to relate to each and every one of us. It pulls us closer to abide in Him because He reminds us of just how much we are living by His grace and not our own strength. And I think I can think of nothing better to ask for than what has already been given: His grace and salvation that comes through Jesus Christ.

This is my Declaration of Dependence – to gladly accept the hand that is stooping down from much higher places to just to give us that lift that we can’t get by ourselves.

So, will my PTPTN loan be passed and accepted? Will I make it past the finals well enough? What about next semester, or the next? What about the upcoming Evangelistic Meeting, the Christian Fellowship, or Kampar Gospel Hall? What will I do after graduating?

The answers will come in time but I think you know where or from whom I will seek them.

Going Up and Coming Down

Sometimes you go somewhere looking for something, and find something else.

And to your surprise, what you find might be of more valuable than the thing you seek.

As a brother from Tanah Rata shared, our God is a God of surprises.

Jensen thought he was getting away from all the birthday-ish stuff by going up. He didn't quite get to, and found a Guns & Roses CD instead. Haha.

But seriously. I went up Cameron full of expectations about relaxing and having a lot of unconventional fun. I went up seeking respite from what has frankly been a few unbearable weeks, in terms of workload (at least, according to my admittedly low threshold of what constitutes 'unbearable'). Now I DID find it, but I also realized something more.

Come to me, all you who are burdened and heavy laden, and I shall give you rest

How ironic then that most of the work that has been bonking me out centers around His ministry. I really need to think and pray about how I approach this. On one hand, we are not to be fair-weather Christians - but well, if the extent of work jeopardizes my own personal walk with God, then I either need to handle my time better or learn how to say No to more responsibilities, or both.

I fell sick in Cameron, and I had to be sent to the hospital to be treated. Now normally you'd see that as a pretty big bummer right? I suppose it was, for the parts when I was like ughhhdyingggg like on the way to the hospital and when I was being treated, but you know ah, it's not really a bad thing you know.

In a really weird way, I was sorta happy as I lay sick on the bed in our chalet. My friends were taking such good care of me I couldn't have smiling. It's like being at home. 4 years in CJCH and a year in Westlake and I don't recall being taken care of so well. That's the worst part about being sick away from home because your family isn't there for you, but up there, it was like I was with family anyway :)

Christians call each other brothers and sisters, and it's not just for show, not when a bond is made through the blood of Jesus.

Wouldn't change a single thing that happened up there. Seeya next time :)