Rapunzel, Rapunzel

I really like this movie, don't you?

Pretty lead, Nice Soundtrack and Silky Hair - what else does one need?

The characters are so funny, and her hair is really nice and cool! There's one scene in particular that I came across in Youtube. It's when Rapunzel and Flynn come into the city. They meet people, see things, enjoy the community and beautiful - absolutely heart warming. Watch it yourself! It's worth it :)

Nice right?

Halfway through the scene, though, I felt a tinge of strong emotion when Rapunzel held up that small purple flag at 1:42. What I felt, I think, was a strong sense of loss and of longing, incongruously mixed up in the midst of merriment and spectacle.

I was thinking about the people of that city, and the Lantern Celebration that they held every year (on that day that Rapunzel arrived). All those elaborate preparations were made specially for it. How do you think the people felt?

If you've watched the movie and followed the story, you'll know that that event was set up because of the lost Princess. It was set up after she was kidnapped, in desperate hope that, one day, when she sees the lanterns light up the sky, she would be drawn to find her way home.

What we observe in the city during the day is great merriment - decorations go up, lanterns are prepared, people dance and sing, flowers are everywhere. It's beautiful, and there's a happy hustle and bustle. The Lantern Festival has become part of their way of life, something for kids and adults alike to look forward to.

Yet in the midst of that, they remember the loss of their princess, who was hope and happiness to the whole city. That's why things turn solemn at night.

This is both beautiful and sad.

I am reminded of the story of Jesus and our walks as Christians.

Jesus' death and suffering is something we see with both immense sorrow and unbridled joy - it is the most extreme paradox that I've ever experienced.

Knowing that His death was for us, and that it was necessary, and experiencing the transformative power that comes from it is the happiest, most mind blowing thing about being a Christian. Through Christ' suffering and death, we grasp the crux of God's love towards us, and that is a joy that no tongue can tell nor scribe can write of.

At the same time, knowing who He is and that He had to go through all that really makes me sad. We understand that it was unavoidable, but can't help feeling that way.

In view of the upcoming UTAR CF's Easter Celebration, I'm led to think about Good Friday, which commemorates Jesus' death on the cross. I think that maybe our celebration on Good Friday is a little bit like the Lantern Festival in Rapunzel/Tangled. Both solemn and joyous, sad and happy.

The people living in that Castle and I share something in common you know, and I'm not just talking about our ambivalent feelings. We share a common lifestyle. They waited 17 years, hoping to see their Princess again, and she came back! How wonderful it was for them when she did.

I, too, am waiting. Waiting for Jesus to come back like He said He will. Whether it will happen in my time, I'm not sure - but in my own way, I want to light my own lantern, to let him know we're waiting and ready here.

The Yearn to Learn

The Library (just before completion)

I went to the library today and found myself slightly disoriented – they’ve rearranged the books on the shelves (must have been recently, since even Manmeet remarked that its’ new, and she seems like she goes regularly).

I was there to pick up books – I need stuff for Syntax & Morphology, and my FYP too. The books that I picked up in the end were colossal, and chockfull of cheem-ness.

With some effort, I can still follow what’s written in there, but not as well as I would’ve hoped that I could at this point in time. I’m still not bandying terminology and concepts around freely – as I would when talking epistemology after 2 years of KI. I feel a little bad because of that.

It’s not that I regret that my studies are not my first priority – very much subservient to my desire to know God and love people. That will never change. But I also have a notion that God wants me to do something out of my academic life – partly based on the premise that it matches the ability and preparation that I have. That is, of course, a notion – and I’m still seeking God on the matter.

But whatever it is, my lackadaisical approach to academics recently is not because I’ve been too involved in church, CF and other works. That’s a given. It’s just that I think I haven’t been able to maximize my time and keep my focus when I need to. It’s always been a problem, I guess – and the stark absence of the kind of inspirational and engaging tutors that I used to have makes it harder to get motivation. Even the docile yet wise Mr Kwan is badly missed L

If this is the situation, then it’s time for me to dig deep and look inwards. No matter what, I’m going to power through and finish this undergrad course without any regrets. That is, I want to be sure I have my hands firmly grasping the lower rungs of the academic ladder. After that is the climb.

If I’m going to present a learned self to my Lord, I want to be sure it’s a good one.

No Day But Today

There is no future

There is no past

Thank God this moment's not the last

There's only us

There's only this

Forget - regret - or life is yours to miss.

No other road

No other way

No day but today -

-"Rent: The Musical"

Recently I went for Shu Ern and Wendy's convocation in KL. It's the first convo I've been to in my life, really - both Jie Jie and Kor Kor's ceremonies were in the UK (I miss them a lot)

Wisma MCA (Convo building) was full of people. Full of flowers and soft toys, too. There were young adults like us, young kids like those in Sunday School, little toddlers like Jaron, grown ups like Papa and Mama and elderly people like Ah Ma and Kong Kong.

People from all walks of life and all stages of life, all congregated there to celebrate the same thing: a rite of passage that tells the world,

"Hey there world, here I am, educated and ready! Let me show you what that means and what I've got,"

I really have no idea what I'll feel like when my turn comes (I suppose it will). I just hope that at that moment, I'll still be madly in love - with God and people. It's the only way to really live without regrets.

Prayer Meeting: Is There a Point?

In life, we ask a lot of questions:

Q:What's this smelly cat doing in my house? :(

In a completely unrelated matter, I've been waking up at 6:15 am on every some Thursday mornings to go for the 7am prayer meeting these past three semesters - always asking the same thing:

Q:"Huh? I'm awake? What for? Want sleep la.., Can I don't go?"

Of course, after the questions come the answers:

"Aiya, whaffor? I got assignments, tests, bla bla, blu blu.. I already go for CF, Sunday service, Bible Study and church punya prayer meeting what"

It can be hard to think when you're zonked out in the mornings when it's still dark, but I think the real question we should ask is:

Q:"God, is there a point?"

I think I've been going simply out of devotion - meaning that I think it pleases God that I set aside this time for Him and so I do it. After all, He instructs us to pray. I think He's happy with that, and by His grace, my reasons don't end there.

As always (at least, within the sphere of my experience) when we devote and commit something that He wants us to do, He gives fresh reasons to pursue these things - reasons that you wouldn't (or at least I didn't) expect.

So let me tell you about myself now: I really look forward to our prayer meets. I can't really condense my whole experience into this post, but I think the (sadly small number of) people who attend the meetings regularly know how I see it.

I feel that it's something really exciting and really fun! I've learnt a lot of things through prayer walk in particular, and I've made very specific and important decisions out of some stuff that happens.

Therefore, the point is, there IS a point in coming together for prayer - but its' details are for God to show.

So I'd really like to ask all of you people out there to come. I think the only really sad part is that there are so few of us there to listen to God together. I think it's a shame because so many of us are missing out! (So, if you have friends who keep bugging you to go for prayer meets, don't get annoyed! They're just trying to share the joy with you :P)

"The devoted are patient and persevering."

• Prayer Meeting

Venue: Westlake Gardens (between Beijing and Lake)

Time: 7am every Thursday.

• Prayer Walk

Venue: Block D/E Cafeteria

Time: 5:30pm-6:30pm every Thursday (until further notice)

A Bareno?

What in the world is a Bareno? Is it some obscure Mexican folk dance? Is it the latest new-fangled Japanese toy in the market?

Bareno Kitty?

In reality, it is actually some relatively obscure firm that produces "a wide range of bathroom and kitchen products .... to cater to all your needs in style." (Bareno, 2011)

Like most 21 year old young men my age, I don't know squat about different bathroom and kitchen products. I know how to use them - I've been using them for quite some time now (I think..) but what do I know about brands? And why am I posting about this when there's so much else going on in the world right now?

Somehow, this company knew my achilles heel and decided to organize a multi-distance race in what I suppose must be partially a publicity bid too.

So there we were, 11 UTAR students from Kampar with absolutely no interest in kitchen sinks, braving the traffic and our packed schedules to make it to KL so that we could run the Bareno Run 2011. We had to pay for registration fees, we had to drive all the way, some of us had mid-term papers less than 24 hours before the race, we had to wake up at 4am, we had to run over either 10 or 21km of hilly terrain in a hazy atmosphere and our bodies experienced various degrees of pain, aches, cramps - you name it.

Naturally, we enjoyed it very much. After all, our interest is in running.

One thing that occurred to me is how daunting this run was in many ways. I haven't had the time or determination to train for this event (unlike PBIM). I was dead tired out of all the driving the previous day and only caught 4 hours of sleep, tops. I was sniffing and sneezing both during the night before and the morning of the race itself. The hilly terrain turned this trial into an ordeal, no joke.

But let me tell you something really cool about today's run. I finished it, and as a bonus, I finished it within my somewhat naively set target of getting a sub-2 hour half.

This is in spite of the fact that I've never wanted to give up so badly as I did in this race. Both my mind and body were yelling out for me to stop but I didn't. Not until my body took things into its own hands, though, cramping up and forcing me stop 3 times during the race. Yet I always got up and running again.

This race confirmed to me that there is some voice within me - the voice that is essential to all runners and tells you that you can do it - that you can overcome this.

I don't think I'll see you again, Bareno, but thanks anyway. I feel like I've come away just a little bit stronger.

Disneyland

Disneyland, Ayer Tawar.

Renjie's hometown is way ahead of Melaka! We've got a lot of fancy tourism stuff and people lining up for miles just to eat chicken rice that has been balled into um.. rice balls but we didn't even think of making a Disneyland for our kids! Please, Ali Rustam, if you're reading this.

I know that as our CM you are so in touch with the grassroots and therefore you will read the blog of a this patriotic young Malaccan boy right. Blimey, I can even remember how to sing the state song!

But seriously, everybody loves Disney. What's there not to love? You have a fantasy world where there are no mosquitos, AIDs and where your 50 foot long silky blonde hair doesn't get dirty after dragging it through a tunnel (underneath a bar, and you know what goes into the the sewage system under bars, even in the real world where we drink less).

Besides the wonderful setting that elimnates/ignores lots of the trivial but annoying stuff we have here on Earth, you have the story. Oh, the story the story the story. Boy meets girl. Girl meets boy. They fall in love. They face some bad guys and go on an adventure and win and it's awesome. That's the magic word: Adventure.

Now what really catches me is not so much the boy meets girl part (hehe) but the fact that the story is all about adventure. Isn't that nice? Travelling unknown lands, fighting monsters, making friends with exotic creatures, living in a castle, etc.

Instead, I sit here grappling with different things - concerns about the country (Merlimau and Kerdau - disappointing), those assignments, these presentations, that FYP, tests, this thing that thing those things.

But unlike Disney productions, my real life is... well.. real. And I can smell an adventure on the horizon. It's just that everything's fast-forwarded in the movies and my life isn't going to be crammed into a 2 hour show.

Come to meeee, adventure!!

Pippin is looking away into the horizon

Another Day on the Malaysian Train

I stood at the corner of the carriage, leaning against the walls with my luggage huddled immediately beneath. The faint odor of diesel and cigarette smoke was present in the air - a palimpsest of smell – signs of both fuels and cigarettes that have burned and burned away into the atmosphere, but not without leaving their own marks – like a hint of old memory.

Because of the Chinese New Year traffic jam from Melaka to Seremban, I had missed my train back to Kampar. As penance, I had to exchange the comforts of the modern ETS to take the commuter to KL Sentral before switching over to a night train to Ipoh. There I will stay over for a night at Elim Gospel Hall, making my way to Kampar only the next day.

The carriage was filled with people of all races, mostly Malays. I feel uncomfortable calling people Malays, or Indians or even Chinese, in fact. I feel like it separates us, although I think it shouldn’t and I wish it didn’t. I wonder if the labels of race had as acute an effect on people as it has on me.

Not that I need any additional reason to feel separate from others.

After all, I’m a very un-Chinese-like Chinese, a very un-Malaysian-like Malaysian and maybe even a very un-young-adult-like young adult. I can’t speak Chinese properly or write Chinese at all, I lived and studied in Singapore from the age of 14-18.. you get the picture.

I speak and write Bahasa Melayu well enough (PMR and ‘O’ Levels – ‘A’, if that means anything) but as I listened to the banter of the group of Malay (here I go again) friends around me, I realized that um, I probably don’t understand them too well. After all, in casual situations, nobody really speaks the proper Bahasa Melayu developed by Dewan Pustaka, but revert to the language in its more uncontrolled and natural form. This can be pretty hard to follow, if you’re a guy whose best Malay friends prefer speaking English or is his old Malay teacher (proper BM all the way!)

I feel like an alien, but I don’t want to be. Will I be fully accepted in this country I live in, or will I bloom only in the fringes of its society – with other fellas like me? What I want is to be accepted, not simply on the basis of my abilities and talents, or on my ideals, but simply by virtue of who I am – the good, the bad, the weird and the ugly.

If it doesn’t, that will be pretty sad, but it’ll be okay anyway.

The smell of diesel and cigarette smoke lingered in the air, clinging jealously to our clothes. You can forget us but we’re still here.