Hold Your Breath

It’s been years, but just today, I took out my asthma inhaler and had a puff. The instructions say that after taking the puff, you have to hold your breath, so I held it.

In doing so, I found that I can hold my breath a lot longer now.

I still remember when I first used it: way back in primary school when first diagnosed with asthma and bronchitis. At that time, a paltry 10 seconds was all I could force, and I got worried that the medicine wouldn’t work because I could not follow the instructions to the letter.

Yeah, it was pretty bad in those days.

I’ve always been a rather sickly kid, though coming to Kampar has seen me get a lot better.

However, recently I’ve had a long stretch of niggling illness that just doesn’t seem to go away.

At first, my throat just felt irritated, and so I stayed off cold drinks and fried stuff. Then, I lost my voice.

When I was younger I was the more quiet type, but at the same time, if I did say anything normally it’d be quite stupid. And I’m telling you, that’s not a good combination. Having people react to my words and person has taught me a whole lot of hard, early lessons – so I’m relieved to say that maybe I’ve turned out to generally be the kind of person who says the right stuff at the right time in the right amount.

My own (possibly cynical) evaluation is that I get it right about half the time, and that’s pretty good, though I hope it gets better.

It’s with the mouth that I thank people. Explain things. Ask questions. Encourage. Sing. Let others know that they are liked or loved. Make jokes. Greet. Praise God.

But it’s also with the mouth that I belittle others, tear down confidence, lie and cause hurt. This is not good.

Sore throat has given way to something else though – I’ve been generally fluey and expelling phlegm over the past 2 days – it’s the flue that’s been triggering my asthma, reacting to fur, air-con and dust.

I’ve been praying a lot, and others have been praying too. We’re praying that God will heal us (so many of us are ill these days!) and that He will also increase our faith.

That’s another “illness” I have, a lack of real faith, as opposed to self reliance – one thing that the world taught me that I’ve yet to really unlearn.

I can hold my breath longer now, though.

The "Central" Question.

Last week, Uncle Yam talked about putting Christ at the center of the church, and today Uncle Cheah shared about obedience to God’s calling – doing what God wants you to do, rather than doing “something” for God. I feel very much convicted through God’s Word as expounded by these two brothers.

The words from these two brothers still resonate in my echoic memory. Uncle Yam pointed out that if people come to church and CF consistently yet go away knowing more about you (the leaders) and about how interesting, kind, attractive or whatever that you are, rather than knowing more about Jesus then something must be wrong, and we need to reexamine our focus. Are we really giving glory to God, and pointing people to the only One who can save them: Jesus? In short, are we a Christ-centered ministry?

In practice, do we do as Joseph and Daniel did (Genesis 41, Daniel 2), who when credited with the ability to correctly interpret prophetic dreams, answered that it is the work of God, and not of man?

In the course of our service, we’ll be bound to pull off lots of really cool stuff. We’ll succeed from time to time. That’s for sure. In the rain of applause that always seem to come after every victory (it’s in our culture, it seems), might we, even for a moment, fall into the temptation of indulging in a moment of self pride and accomplishment?

More thought has to be put into how, through every detail in our walk with God, the people we come into contact with (either personally or collectively) can be pointed firmly to our Lord Jesus who saves.

After all, who are we serving? Who?

Selah

Carrie Underwood is really pretty, and she sings some really nice songs. One of her famous singles, "So Small" starts the chorus with the following line:

"Sometimes, that mountain you've been climbing, is just a grain of sand"

The whole song pretty much talks about this - about how the adversity we face is not as big as it may often seem.

I'll assume that Miss Underwood really means it when she sings it, and as she is Christian, it makes me think about the Biblical truth that might be behind it. (Note: She recently belted out her rendition of "How Great Thou Art" - made me shiver)

I think she has a point, you know. Sometimes we perceive our problems as insurmountable, when instead it's our perceptions in themselves that stop us from moving and doing what's needed and important.

If we stopped to actually take stock of everything, and have our "Selah" moments, maybe we'd realize that we can actually do this. Stopping to think and analyze helps us not only realize that our problems are surmountable, but also helps us come up with ways to go about doing it.

Finals start on Friday. So much has happened this semester - now will we end it with a smile together?

UTAR Volunteerism Run

Hmm.. Okay I got quite a lot of things to do, but still, I really want to blog about something.

For the first time ever, we've had a distance race here in Kampar under UTAR. In conjunction with the apparently upcoming 10th anniversary of the university's founding, they've been going all out to do community service. This is a good thing. The run this time was to fund the construction of a mini library in Tronoh Mines, which I tell you is a really ulu place. Hope they find the library helpful.

As it was a 5km race, it went by pretty quick - so much that I can even give a blow by blow account of how it went. Here it is:

Before Flag-off: Finally! The starting time advertised was 7am, yet here we are still waiting at 813am.. warmed up too early and even cooled down with all the waiting we had to do. The emcee quite kesian.. have to repeat everything in 3 languages haha. Team Miracle Mile are all lined up at the front - nice :)

Bang!: Off we go! Wait, why are we running so fast? After 200 metres, I noticed that we're doing a 3min/km pace.. crazy fellas. Shujian and Jensen blasted off like madmen, making up about 15-20 people ahead of me. Kaomeng and I kept at our usual pace (we've trained together quite a number of times).. his presence really is reassuring.

1km mark: Water station! So fast! Just take and pour on my head for a kick :) Over the first km, a few people have fallen out already. Some slowed down their running pace and some even walked. I would say there's a dozen ahead of us now. I'm still with Kaomeng and Jensen is about 20 metres ahead.

2km mark: Now to get those little wristbands from the checkpoint. I peeled away from Kaomeng to grab one from a helper, and didn't see him again until the finish line. I could sense his presence behind me, but who has time to turn, eh? One tall dude with a nice body frame gave up and walked, which both surprised and spurred me on.. passed Jensen also but of course he wouldn't walk.

3km mark: Didn't bother taking the water. Regret it slightly though, I could use another sprinkle on the head... It's getting hot, which wouldn't have been the case if we had started on time. I've lost Kaomeng already, but I can see two red vests in front - clearly Meng Leong and Shujian. A bit surprised that I can still see Meng Leong, and more so that Shujian's ahead of him.

4km mark: I'm. feeling. tired... this was supposed to be a 4km race.. There's this white shirt guy between me and Meng Leong, whom I lost sight of because we're turning corners now. I can still see white shirt dude though, he's just maybe 40 metres ahead of me. I'm not totally sure, but at this point I knew I'd be in the top 10. The corners are agonizing la, I don't know how far I am from the front.

Stopped: I sped up too early thinking that I'm nearly there.. had to stop to choke down the impulse to vomit.. Continued running after a split second, but that's lost momentum I need to make up for. Starting to feel dizzy and I'm breathing crazily like... like... like.. like always I guess.

Finish! (4.87km): Goodbye, white-shirt guy! A turn of pace in what turned out to be the last 200m took me level with him for a while - we shared the sound of mutual haggard breathing for a few seconds before I shot away for the finish line. Dizzy and disoriented, with heart blasting away, I still had the presence of mind to stop my Garmin: 21minutes 55 seconds for a 4.87km route. A decent but unspectacular timing, yet I placed 6th.

What else can I say? It was a good run - would've definitely achieved my initial target of 17:30 for 4km.. In the end I still managed to finish the race with decent pace although I had to run 870 extra metres.

The organization was very poor. I suppose, on one hand, the committee neglected to consult any of the runners in UTAR about the technical side of organising such a race - even I could have troubleshooted loads of the problems that they faced - let alone the many other seasoned runners out there. They did do quite a meticulous and thorough survey after the race though, so I hope that, if they or UTAR is serious about really giving the best to the community - they can improve loads for next time. The running scene in Kampar is something of great potential that they can tap into.

Of course, the great thing about running is that even if the race planning screws up and goes haywire, you still get a real good kick out of it, eh? It was nice running with the Team and meeting new runners too. Next race: Bidor Half Marathon.

Same Same Same But Different

Same religion, same faith, different philosophies..

Can it be?

Maybe we can take the usual diplomatic stand and say "Ah, I think it's just a matter of opinion, both also works but it depends on you personally..."

But the Bible says something different.

Have we really renewed our mind with a Biblical (and hence, Godly) value system? Or are we just filling it with odd, feel-good phrases and fancy sounding jargon?

My Dead End?

When was the last time I felt as bad at this?

I can't really care to remember.

I refuse to leave because I think it's not right, but by staying I'm at a loss of what I can do. I feel so sure I can't change anything here and I'm not the type to sit around placidly, doing nothing - not when my energy can be used for something real somewhere else.

Where are your hearts?

Rapunzel, Rapunzel

I really like this movie, don't you?

Pretty lead, Nice Soundtrack and Silky Hair - what else does one need?

The characters are so funny, and her hair is really nice and cool! There's one scene in particular that I came across in Youtube. It's when Rapunzel and Flynn come into the city. They meet people, see things, enjoy the community and beautiful - absolutely heart warming. Watch it yourself! It's worth it :)

Nice right?

Halfway through the scene, though, I felt a tinge of strong emotion when Rapunzel held up that small purple flag at 1:42. What I felt, I think, was a strong sense of loss and of longing, incongruously mixed up in the midst of merriment and spectacle.

I was thinking about the people of that city, and the Lantern Celebration that they held every year (on that day that Rapunzel arrived). All those elaborate preparations were made specially for it. How do you think the people felt?

If you've watched the movie and followed the story, you'll know that that event was set up because of the lost Princess. It was set up after she was kidnapped, in desperate hope that, one day, when she sees the lanterns light up the sky, she would be drawn to find her way home.

What we observe in the city during the day is great merriment - decorations go up, lanterns are prepared, people dance and sing, flowers are everywhere. It's beautiful, and there's a happy hustle and bustle. The Lantern Festival has become part of their way of life, something for kids and adults alike to look forward to.

Yet in the midst of that, they remember the loss of their princess, who was hope and happiness to the whole city. That's why things turn solemn at night.

This is both beautiful and sad.

I am reminded of the story of Jesus and our walks as Christians.

Jesus' death and suffering is something we see with both immense sorrow and unbridled joy - it is the most extreme paradox that I've ever experienced.

Knowing that His death was for us, and that it was necessary, and experiencing the transformative power that comes from it is the happiest, most mind blowing thing about being a Christian. Through Christ' suffering and death, we grasp the crux of God's love towards us, and that is a joy that no tongue can tell nor scribe can write of.

At the same time, knowing who He is and that He had to go through all that really makes me sad. We understand that it was unavoidable, but can't help feeling that way.

In view of the upcoming UTAR CF's Easter Celebration, I'm led to think about Good Friday, which commemorates Jesus' death on the cross. I think that maybe our celebration on Good Friday is a little bit like the Lantern Festival in Rapunzel/Tangled. Both solemn and joyous, sad and happy.

The people living in that Castle and I share something in common you know, and I'm not just talking about our ambivalent feelings. We share a common lifestyle. They waited 17 years, hoping to see their Princess again, and she came back! How wonderful it was for them when she did.

I, too, am waiting. Waiting for Jesus to come back like He said He will. Whether it will happen in my time, I'm not sure - but in my own way, I want to light my own lantern, to let him know we're waiting and ready here.