Loon(e)y Tunes

Loony is a weird word. Loony.

The person above is Luna Lovegood, a character from Harry Potter the movie. She's also called Loony Luna, because she does weird stuff.

As I read Harry Potter, I actually liked her character a lot. She's a really good person who is brave, cherishes her friends and does not mind being seen as unorthodox (or being bullied, for that matter). Yup, she's treated pretty badly. One of the reasons why I think Harry Potter is so unrealistic is how none of the teachers or prefects or decent folks in the school do anything about the bullying.

But then again, that could probably be more realistic portrayal of most schools *Cynical Face On* There's one part where Luna placidly explains to Harry that people enjoy taking her stuff and hiding it in awkward places. At the end of every school term, she has to post up long notices of all the stuff she's lost, hoping that they'd return.

Magical world or not, the social structure in schools can be nasty, huh.

I'm in university now, though I sometimes call it "school". Like, "Eh, what time you going school ah?"

Oops.

People say that, technically, I should be having the time of my life now.

That makes a lot of sense. I am enjoying myself. I've got a lot to be grateful for - picking up interests, developing skills, having great friends, learning some important things.. I guess I will be coming out a more competent, complete, thoughtful and purpose driven person. That ain't so bad.

Yet, there's always a "BUT" sign that has to be hung up somewhere in my head every time people ask me if I'm enjoying myself. Some kind of caveat, I suppose - the less pleasant side of the story. I could choose to be all positive or all negative, but neither can be totally true without the other, and normally it just takes too much time to explain things. And if I don't explain things properly, then I get misunderstood. And I'm not so sure people want to hear my long stories anyway.

Sorta the kind of conversation that you'd take a half marathon to complete. Want to find out? Run with me lah. Haha.

Like and unlike Luna, I think I might be getting slightly loony. Not "crazy" in a straightforward way, but probably just mentally or psychologically frayed. Stress related, I suppose.

I was ambling by Block D when I spotted a booth that the Counselling and Care unit set up, labelled "Personality Test". I went up and tried for it, partly to find out what it says about me and partly because I'm the kind of guy who likes to scrutinize research methodologies. (Maybe I AM loony)

Once I started I knew the test was poorly labelled and wasn't a Personality Test per se, but a test on my emotional health.

"Alamak.. are these fellars psychology students?"

Finished it anyway and let the lady tabulate my scores (she wasn't a psychology student, just a volunteer helper. very nice of her to spend her time in that way)

I received the diagnosis that I have Severe anxiety and stress levels. Yet, at the same time, the test showed that I am also very contented and satisfied with my life. I won't tell you what I think of the methodology.

A few days later, the campus counsellor (certified one) called me up and asked if we could meet up to check on whether I'm okay. Never met him before, but he was sent my results slip.

That's actually really nice of them - even in my days in SJI and CJCH, no one was really went all the way to that extent to check up on us students, in spite of the resources that the schools had and the fact that they were both Catholic mission schools.

I declined to go meet them though, because I know what's my problem la.. but it was nice to have that concern coming from some people I don't know.

How will I feel, by the end of my university life?

I don't really know.

All I know is that this probably isn't sustainable.

And that while it's better than being apathetic, but there are wiser ways to live out our ideals.

And that, in the midst of all the things I'm doing right now, what I really really want to do is go visit my grandparents in Singapore.

The Boss

"Those in a position of authority define the world from their perspective."

So it's no surprise that at any level of leadership, leaders run a risk of falling out of touch with reality. Extreme case would be those crazy dictators who managed to persuade themselves that they are demi-Gods. (The list includes Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot... you know, those guys)

Now the point is why the heck am I posting this? Trying to sound chim? Or just to fill up an empty blog?

We need to remind ourselves. I saw the above line in a sociolinguistics book and I took it as a reminder to myself too, since I am somewhat in a position of authority. It is so incredibly easy to fall into a solipsistic (google solipsism) world view as a leader - so easy that it scares me and I need to ask myself if I'm doing things in the best interest of every brother and sister, and of course, in line with exactly what God wants me to do.

A narrow-minded head defeats the very purpose of having a leader. What? Leadership is just supposed to be something to add to your CV so you can get a job right? Or leadership is a great way for people without musical or performing arts talent to be able to get center stage and feed their self-esteem right?

WRONG! Leadership is a service and this is the basic premise of this whole post. If you fundamentally disagree, you can stop reading now. Leadership is not so much a privilege as it is a duty - a willing sacrifice of one's own time to be a focal point for the activities of a group. Leadership is also necessary. Even in my church where an equal priesthood of believers is emphasized, there are still those who have to assume leadership, simply because this is how we have to function as long as we're still in this world.

For a Christian, the Wrong in being a self-centered leader is perhaps even more severe than that of the secular. This is because it contradicts directly with the basic principles of humility, openness and care that are inherent in our belief system.

But then hor, we're human what. We can't help it if we fall into the trap of self-delusion to varying degrees. That's true.

So what we need is to have people who can check us, scold us and whack us if necessary. I desperately want my dearest friends to do this. For me to be scolded and to feel hurt by criticism is nothing compared to the cost of remaining ignorant of my wrongdoings or my failings, insofar as these are things that can and ought to be corrected.

There is God, of course, who can, through many ways choose to reprimand me. Thank God for that. Thank God for God? Hmm.

So, my friends, please?