2AM

Technically, I should be sleeping.

Awakened by the rumbling of my stomache, I had risen from bed an hour after midnight to get something to eat.

I don’t know if it is the solace of the hour, the steady hum of the fluorescent lighting interjected with the tweeting of crickets, or the wafting aroma of freshly pan-fried sausages – but right now I’m feeling a kind of peace I think I haven’t felt since I arrived back in Kampar last week, on Monday.

This peace – some call it God.

A hint of a frown visits my brow as I recall the past week. It’s been a variegated fortnight for me – my own exercise in devotion and discipline was interspersed with lapses of attention, slips of ill discipline, and patches of erratic emotion. True and genuine repentance in some ways have not been set in my heart. It is an awkward thing to be set between the flesh and the Spirit: they are at war with one another.

Predictably, I now come to the list of things I’ve committed myself to. Dear reader, if at any point you may experience a sense of déjà vu, do not be alarmed. I feel it all too well. It is perhaps a testament to the fallen nature of Man that we troubles constantly resurface themselves.

FYP, cell group, Intro to Chinese, church, transport ministry, Christmas production, Powerman, PBIM and Nike Run.

Clearly, I have to time this to perfection. I know that this can be done, with a mixture of discipline, wisdom and determination that far outstrips whatever I’m currently in possession of.

Well, well, it’s all too obvious what God wants out of me under these circumstances. Last chance for me to cultivate discipline, self-denial and endurance before I graduate.

Can I do it? Or shall I fail miserably? Speculating about the outcome won’t help, but I take comfort in something else: It’s good to know that Jesus is by my side at all times.