Jingle Bells

So recently a friend remarked to me that she can't really "tell what I've been up to" by reading my blog, because I don't really talk about what's been going on. Hm, why not give it a try.

So I've been on holiday for almost a week now - though it feels like much more than a week has passed since we overcame (or rather, were overcome by) our last paper, Professional Writing.

Christmas season was an especially happy one this year - I had a great dinner at home on the 24th. It was very nice to be able to pitch in my little skill-less help into the less-than-frenetic-as-usual Christmas dinner preparations. The dinner itself was really pleasant as I got to meet up with many old kawan-kawans and make new friends too.

Christmas itself was a really special day - Melaka Gospel Chapel put together an excellent Christmas Night. Besides being well prepared, I felt that it was genuine and sincere from start to finish - really touching and an appropriate way to present ourselves to the community.

On Boxing Day, a few of us participated in the Melaka Charity Run 2010. Clocked an okayy time of 28 minutes considering that I was running blind and didn't pace myself so well for the start. More importantly, a few of my churchmates ran their first ever race, which is always an awesome experience. Hope that they'll discover running to be a fulfilling endeavour just as I have.

So what have I been doing since then? Well, things have been pretty slow :( I've been reading a lot, especially some editions of The Economist. It's so analytical and insightful to the extent where I really really enjoy reading it. The level of reporting from our sycophantic mainstream media really pales in comparison.

Besides that, there hasn't been anything particularly fruitful about my post-Christmas. I've been progressively waking up later and later (10am today).

At the same time, Year 2 sem 3 has already begun to metaphorically knock on our doors. Our lecturer for Malaysian Literature in English has already emailed us one of our assignments, which is to write a critical review/analysis of a locally produced play. Ding dong!

The next semester may be a fortnight away, but it's there waiting for me: Fresh responsibilities in Kampar Gospel Hall, a potentially challenging academic semester, a running club to start, races to run, a Fellowship to be a part of, a committee to hand over and hopefully, more meaningful relationships to be made and deepened.

But that's for the future - I'd better settle the present first. Tomorrow, I'll get up early, go for a run, walk the dog, go for an early breakfast with parents and come back to clean the house before I let myself go reading again. And to top it all off, I'll end the day by watching Liverpool vs Wolves - don't let me down, mates!

Let's bring some order to our private lives.

The 20th Birthday Mile

If life is like a marathon, then I suppose that birthdays must be the distance markers along the route.

Twenty!!

Well, I've just hit the 20 mile marker on what I suppose must be my ultra-marathon of undefined distance. But hey, so what's the deal with birthdays and distance markers?

One thing about birthdays and distance markers, they're not really anything in themselves. Unlike bread, water and power gel stations, or toilets, they don't physically supplement you with anything. That is to say, if I were an organic robot that still needed nourishment, I would still need all of these things, but not the distance markers.

By the same virtue, birthdays are not things in themselves. They are not like lectures, tutorials, training sessions, sermons, exams or graduations. In other words, they're not what "really counts".

In spite of this, most runners think distance markers are important, and most people think birthdays are very important! Why?

The analogy continues. Distance markers help you know where you stand in a race. By knowing your time and distance traveled, you can tell whether you've run the race well thus far. Have things gone according to plan? Are you where you think you should be? Then you can make adjustments - whether to increase your pace or slow down if you're going too fast. For a junior runner like me, I get the kicks from seeing distance markers because it makes me think: "Wow! I've actually ran this far!".

I think you see where I'm going now. How you run near the distance marker isn't minutely as important as how you run the last 5km. How you live your birthdays then are nothing much in themselves - what is most important is how we live our other 364 days. But then again, we're human, and humans need milestones. Humans need to think and reflect on how they've been living and where they're heading. Birthdays are a special time that does that for you, if you let it.

My 20th birthday has probably been the best ever, not because of the celebrations, which were muted because of the exams. It's the best because of how I've run since the last distance marker. I started this marathon poorly, you know (most of us do), but I've finally learnt the secret of how to run a real race and I've been running like never before.

So I have two birthday wishes: one for myself and one for you, my friend.

The first, that I keep learning how to run better and better until the day I reach the finish line. Preferably, I won't stop.

The second is that we'll all be together there at the end.

Soulmate

Am I that different?

I think I'm certainly unique, but at the same I'm not really that one of a kind.

Errr..

Am I contradicting myself?

Oh yes! Paradox. But whatever la. To me, how I see myself isn't that important. It is written, "For where you treasure is, there your heart is also" - meaning that which we seek as the object of our desires will in turn define who we are.

So what do I want most of all?

Sometimes I get really lonely. Not lonesome (which implies being miserable), but lonely. It is normally the result of spending a protracted period of time contemplating scripture. This is no joke. I will get filled with the desire of wanting to pour everything out to someone, but at the same time I feel that guarded feeling of being unable to tell anyone.

What I need/want is a soulmate(s). You know, people that I can tell absolutely everything to, and who would understand more than I can put in words. By the same token, I'd hopefully do the same for him/her.

Of course, the world isn't just divided into a dichotomy of soulmates vs others. After becoming a real Christian I've come to be in fellowship with many brothers and sisters. In Christ we have a very special thing in common which runs so deep - it cannot be compared to stuff like being fans of the same football club or having similar tastes in music.

This is why it perplexes me that not all Christians are instantly my soulmates. I have met Christians that I feel an incredible resonance with. And I've experienced such resonance with lots of authors through their written work too.

Perhaps it is because while our struggles are common, each fight is unique. Our battles against sin are different, because we have different propensities towards different kinds of temptations. Our backgrounds are varied.

And then there's also the fact that the world isn't divided into a dichotomy of Christians and non-Christians either. Rather, there is a spectrum that we all fall in at one point or another. After all, this has to be the case if we are to make sense of the fact that we constantly want to grow to be more like Christ (and therefore more Christian) every day.

I used to have a soulmate. Then circumstances pulled us apart, and our walks are different now.

I think it's okay to want companionship - that is a very primal desire that God puts in us. Of course, as I always say, our desires are Godly if put in line with the Creators' original purpose: to bring us closer to Him.

This is maybe why I think God is putting me through this arid stage of life. I think He wants me to draw closer to Him, and to find my desire for a soulmate fulfilled in Him. He certainly does fit the bill, in ways even greater than I expect.

It's His way of reminding me that His grace is, was, and always will be sufficient for me.

He Stands at the Door and Knocks

"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me"

- Revelations 3:20

"Here, then, is the crucial question which we have been leading up to. Have we ever opened our door to Christ? Have we ever invited him in? This was exactly the question which I needed to have put to me. For, intellectually speaking, I had believed in Jesus all my life, on the other side of the door. I had regularly struggled to say my prayers through the key-hole. I had even pushed pennies under the door in a vain attempt to pacify him. I had been baptized, yes and confirmed as well. I went to church, read my Bible, had high ideals, and tried to be good and do good. But all the time, often without realising it, I was holding Christ at arm's length, and keeping him outside. I knew that to open the door might have momentous consequences. I am profoundly grateful to him for enabling me to open the door. Looking back now over more than fifty years, I realise that that simple step has changed the entire direction, course and quality of my life"

John Stott

Reading this excerpt was moving indeed, as it made me remember the day I opened the door. And now I wonder how many of you reading this used to be like me, or used to be like Mr Stott.

Just Follow Law

“Follow law la... no choice what!”

Some people like to talk like this, and they mean to say that laws are non-optional. You don’t have a choice!

But I don’t think so - laws are always optional, because you can always choose to break it what. However, you can say that laws are non-negotiable. In that it means that when you break a law, there is a logical follow up or consequence.

Now, we Christians have a law – it’s called the law of Christ and it is summed up simply as a “commandment to love others” (Galatians 6:2, c.f. John 13:34). In the same way as with other laws, this is optional but non-negotiable. It’s optional in that you can choose not to care about others, or not to even care about trying to love one another, that is clear.

Yet, how is it non-negotiable? Look at the words “law” and “commandment” – the Bible isn’t joking around. The fact is, if you want to prove that you are His disciples, or in other words, ‘Christians’, then you have to love one another (1 John 2,3). Not negotiable. If you choose to take the option of not actively loving others rather than being obsessed with yourself, then sorry, the consequence is that you forfeit your right to be called a Christian in its fullest sense.

Not because I say so, but because Scripture says so. Look into it and prove me wrong if you think otherwise.

I’m not out to brand some as ‘real’ Christians and some as ‘fake’ – I have no such divisive purposes. All I want you to do is ask yourselves whether you’re living up to God’s name (Christ-ians bear the name of God in their titles) or you’re just pretending.

You figure it out for yourselves, and if you still can’t, ask Him – He sure know one.

Wake up!

Sleeeeeeeeeep. We've been doing a lot of it (some of us more, and some of us less :P) our whole lives, but we still don't get bored of it. I know I'd get bored if I tried playing 7-8 hours of StarCraft 2 a day for all my life for a year a couple of months just a single day, so obviously sleep must be super good right. I think. Whatever.

With too much stuff to do that tends to give me late nights, this sem has been a killer for my sleep life. For now I'm healthy as ever, but I know for sure I shouldn't keep this up for too long. Thank goodness short semesters end at Week 7, and now that there's no classes for some time I can stabilize my sleep.. I think.

Sleep early, wake up early, run!