Loony is a weird word.
Loony.
The person above is Luna Lovegood, a character from Harry Potter the movie. She's also called Loony Luna, because she does weird stuff.
As I read Harry Potter, I actually liked her character a lot. She's a really good person who is brave, cherishes her friends and does not mind being seen as unorthodox (or being bullied, for that matter). Yup, she's treated pretty badly. One of the reasons why I think Harry Potter is so unrealistic is how none of the teachers or prefects or decent folks in the school do anything about the bullying.
But then again, that could probably be more realistic portrayal of most schools *Cynical Face On* There's one part where Luna placidly explains to Harry that people enjoy taking her stuff and hiding it in awkward places. At the end of every school term, she has to post up long notices of all the stuff she's lost, hoping that they'd return.
Magical world or not, the social structure in schools can be nasty, huh.
I'm in university now, though I sometimes call it "school". Like, "Eh, what time you going school ah?"
Oops.
People say that, technically, I should be having the time of my life now.
That makes a lot of sense. I am enjoying myself. I've got a lot to be grateful for - picking up interests, developing skills, having great friends, learning some important things.. I guess I will be coming out a more competent, complete, thoughtful and purpose driven person. That ain't so bad.
Yet, there's always a "BUT" sign that has to be hung up somewhere in my head every time people ask me if I'm enjoying myself. Some kind of caveat, I suppose - the less pleasant side of the story. I could choose to be all positive or all negative, but neither can be totally true without the other, and normally it just takes too much time to explain things. And if I don't explain things properly, then I get misunderstood. And I'm not so sure people want to hear my long stories anyway.
Sorta the kind of conversation that you'd take a half marathon to complete. Want to find out? Run with me lah. Haha.
Like and unlike Luna, I think I might be getting slightly loony. Not "crazy" in a straightforward way, but probably just mentally or psychologically frayed. Stress related, I suppose.
I was ambling by Block D when I spotted a booth that the Counselling and Care unit set up, labelled "Personality Test". I went up and tried for it, partly to find out what it says about me and partly because I'm the kind of guy who likes to scrutinize research methodologies. (Maybe I AM loony)
Once I started I knew the test was poorly labelled and wasn't a Personality Test per se, but a test on my emotional health.
"Alamak.. are these fellars psychology students?"
Finished it anyway and let the lady tabulate my scores (she wasn't a psychology student, just a volunteer helper. very nice of her to spend her time in that way)
I received the diagnosis that I have Severe anxiety and stress levels. Yet, at the same time, the test showed that I am also very contented and satisfied with my life. I won't tell you what I think of the methodology.
A few days later, the campus counsellor (certified one) called me up and asked if we could meet up to check on whether I'm okay. Never met him before, but he was sent my results slip.
That's actually really nice of them - even in my days in SJI and CJCH, no one was really went all the way to that extent to check up on us students, in spite of the resources that the schools had and the fact that they were both Catholic mission schools.
I declined to go meet them though, because I know what's my problem la.. but it was nice to have that concern coming from some people I don't know.
How will I feel, by the end of my university life?
I don't really know.
All I know is that this probably isn't sustainable.
And that while it's better than being apathetic, but there are wiser ways to live out our ideals.
And that, in the midst of all the things I'm doing right now, what I really really want to do is go visit my grandparents in Singapore.
