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Today at Bible Study/Prayer Meeting we sang a few songs. Many of them were about the life that is to come, and the hope we place in them - with one in particular that really moved me.

It's an old country song, like all the songs that we sang during the meeting - and though I've been exposed to many modern worship songs with elaborate instrumental arrangements, I don't ever recall being so moved by a single song before in a long, long time. So we sang together in that room (no harmonizing) with Uncle Samson hacking away at his guitar:

"This world is not my home, I'm just a-passing thru'

My treasures are laid up, somewhere beyond the blue,

The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door,

And I can't feel at home in this world anymore.

O Lord, I know I have no Friend like you

If Heaven's not my home, O Lord what will I do?

The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door,

And I can't feel at home in this world anymore."

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqRpyG0W96k&feature=related)

Today has been a different day for me. As you might be able to tell from my previous post, I've been thinking about all the things I've been getting involved with around me. Just today, I celebrated a sister's birthday, I ran 11km with the uncles, I read Scripture, I started planning for a big upcoming event, I thought about next week's CF session that I'll also be co-chairing and I went to Bible Study/Prayer Meeting to have fellowship and to build the church.

Yes, these are all things I value. I value my brothers and sisters, and my friends. I value the challenge of improving myself through running. I value these events that I believe can enrich other people's lives, as a corollary of being light and salt. I value the CF as the Christian presence on campus. I value the church that so gracefully accepted me and gave me a foundation of fellowship in Kampar. I value the experience of deepening one's insight in His word.

Yet, at a moment like this all of these are overwhelmed with a singular longing, which is to be in Heaven at the side of Jesus - who is a dear friend like no other

"Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far, but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body."

And I can't feel at home in this world anymore.

Commitments

I don't think there's a single thing that I'm involved in or that I'm busy with that I don't believe in.

In fact, I only say yes to things that I have a real conviction about: things that I really believe in and are important to me.

The problem is, I realize that this isn't exactly the best modus operandi either because the ideal situation is that we have many convictions - about God, about society, about our academic life, about our family and even about the environment, but if we start heavily involving ourselves in every single thing that we have convictions about, we'll probably just be overworked and maybe produce poor results in many of those things.

"See a need, meet a need" - not a motto that we can operate with. There is just too much need in this broken and incomplete world - too much even for everybody to handle, and what aggravates matters is that only a minority of people are stepping up to the plate.. I'm not sure what the rest are doing.

So how ah? On my own part, I need to assess priorities while I still can while asking God for strength. And well, if you're reading this and you feel that you're not doing much.. wanna give it a shot?

The Small Gate and the Narrow Road

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

These days it has really struck me just how small the gate and narrow the road it really is - and it makes me feel very sad indeed, that so many people don't want to find it.

But you know what? In spite of being small and narrow, it is very beautiful, and the place that it leads to is even more beautiful.

Sometimes I don't know why people don't walk this way, and I don't know why people can't even take their eyes off that big path that leads to destruction. It makes me think of the winding, mazy path that leads to that beautiful sanctuary of Rivendell, in contrast with the colossal black gate that leads to the black lands of Mordor.

But I guess that's where we come in. I'm not exactly the best guide, but I do know the way to the narrow path, because the greatest Guide of all has brought me there. Through I know how to get there, it might be quite hard for me to lead others, but then maybe in the midst of trying, the original Guide will appear and take over - He knows I'm not that good on my own.

Thank God for God

Strictly speaking, there is a distinction between help that comes from God and help that comes from the people around you. However, we can't ever limit His flexibility, and I dare say I thank God for being who He is, and bringing the right people at the right time to come and say the right words and do the right things, totally without realising it.

Thank you God for being God, and when the chips are down my short-sightedness gets a little better and I can see You for who You are.

Who will He send me next, a Timothy to nurture, or a Paul to rebuke? Maybe Priscilla and Aquila to show care, or an Epaphras to be a fellow-prisoner. Perhaps even a nameless good Samaritan.

Never limit God, my friends, and never limit how He uses the people in your midst.

Open Invitation

In our most recent CF meeting we were challenged by the Andrew & Mun Yee (invited speakers) to think of whether we had wronged anyone and apologize to them, but only if we were ready to do so.

I couldn't think of anyone that I might have wronged in any real way. This is quite worrisome for me :(

I couldn't think of anyone who has really wronged me either.

Mun Yee added a twist later on by suggesting that we also think of who we want to thank, if we were ready...

The sensation was like a flood. So many of the brethren in the room had done something real and good for or to me at one point or another.

At any rate, I kept my silence, except to reciprocate when people came to thank me for something.

Somehow I guess I didn't think it was the right time for me to start thanking others - I'd rather let things first come to their full measure, or wait for that inevitable point in time when, as dear friends who've walked together, we have to part ways.

Yup, graduation, whether it's other's or mine, we would have to part.

And I don't want to leave things hanging. It's still quite worrisome that I can't think of any way in which I've really wronged any of you.. but if I did, it's not what I intend or want (present tense here)

So I beseech you guys to tell me in case I'm dumb enough not to notice - cos I'm quite dumb what. Let's not leave anything unsettled before we part, for your sake and for mine. Please?

How do you measure a heart?l

How do you measure a heart, and what is its’ worth?

Occasionally we hear it said that we are to seek God with all our heart, and that it is our hearts that God desires.

But somehow, I catch myself wondering whether my heart is of any worth at all to begin with.

I tell you the truth, because the truth is at least something of real value that I know I can give.. and the truth is I don’t really understand what is in a heart to begin with.

”The heart is deceitful above all things, and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

Jeremiah 17:9

Are we measured by the intensity of our feelings? Or defined by the things that we long for? What?

In spite of the fact that I have no understanding, my heart is dear to me and I feel it… and somehow I also feel that this alone isn’t enough. I really do.

And this is an idea that I’ve been struggling and praying about for some time, so that now something has occurred to me, and it is this:

I think that we are somehow wired to think that being alone is insufficient. There is no such thing as absolute independence. The fact that my heart is dear to me alone is not enough to live with and I think that this is the same for you too, dear reader. What we crucially need lies beyond this, and is to know that our hearts are dear to others.

This is why people without love or people who do not realize that they are loved, live in such a broken manner. This is why people with a loving family are more likely to stand tall in times of trial. This is also why people of the world pursue romantic love as the highest ideal and as the pinnacle of what it means to be human.

We Christians, we’re different, though. It is our commission to love one another, but we believe that this desire for Another and for our hearts to be recognized and cherished by that Other, isn’t put into us simply for us to find its fulfillment through worldly or humanly means that do not last.

This thirst for love is to direct us to our Lord, who himself said:

“Everyone who drinks shall be thirsty again, but whomsoever shall drink the water I give unto him shall never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

John 4:14

If you’re reading this and you also have that thirst for love, then you needn’t thirst any longer. There is a God of Love with enough for all of us. If He carried me, I know that He will carry you too. All you need to do is ask Him. This is also the Truth.

For myself, this Truth makes me realize that yes, my heart is of great value! Simply because the Lord asks for it first above all the others things that are in my possession.

And this also is the Truth.