There is a Mountain

I want to be a teacher, true story!

Recently I was having the "So what do you want to do after uni?" chat with a freshie and she remarked: "Wow, I've never met anyone who wants to become a teacher like how you do!" with a big smile.

Yeap, I want to teach. And I get excited when thinking about it and can't wait. (Experienced teachers tell me not to get overly excited, and to enjoy my uni life as much as possible - I think they're right)

The thing is, I guess I've never really been a purpose driven person. Prior to beginning my uni life I've been a floater of epic proportions. It doesn't help that I studied Knowledge & Inquiry and Literature. Abstract concepts seem to occupy such a significant part of my psyche that I always to delay or procrastinate the nitty gritty stuff, like paperwork, applications and the ilk. This is one part of my life that seriously need to grow too - I don't think I'll be of much use ruminating on an armchair. Meanwhile, the thing I've decided on is to be as useful as possible to needy people (as a teacher).

In other words I need to learn to bite myself and sit down and really grind out work whenever I have to - I'm incredibly weak in this, while some people already know how to do this from the age of 12 or whatever.

Important that may be, but it's not the main point of this post.

I want to teach in Malaysia, seriously. Because I think there's such a need. It makes more sense to want to be useful where the need is greater - simply because I guess it's a good way to think, and if everybody thought that way instead of pursuing the path of greatest pleasure, maybe the world would be a better place. That being said, I suppose in a way I AM pursuing the path of greatest pleasure, because I can't really think of anything that gives me more pleasure than the idea that I'm being useful in empowering other people. The way I see it, absolute altruism is unachievable, but the best thing people can do is marry their interests with the good of others, such that their 'selfishness' also brings about positive change.

This is the selfishness that I profess, when the happiness of others is mine as well. I say this as an ideal of course, even though it's more achievable than altruism, it is still unbelievably tough to achieve. All I hope for is that day by day I slowly bridge the gap between my words and my true conduct, which is pretty wide.

Now, having said that, I'm brought to the concluding point of this post. When my friend said what she said to me, I realised that I must sound extremely enthusiastic, and I am! But I'm not blind to the fact that it's gonna be tough. There are just so many systemic weaknesses to our education system - stumbling blocks that have left us far behind Singapore (not that they're the best or that there aren't better examples around, just that I've got 4 years of experience there so I have the right to make comparisons). I'm not just going to finger the system, but I suppose teaching in itself will be really tough.

Moody as I am, I know I will get depressed, discouraged (prematurely), lazy or whatever. I might lose my passion from time to time. But passion and commitment are two different things - commitment is not a matter of emotions but character. And character is something that anyone can cultivate and access. So I'll have to rely on strength of character.

Of course, I have my family. I have my friends. I have God. Most of all, I have the realization that I need all of them to pull through.

I'm not on my own.